Tuesday, November 12, 2013

All in a Day's Work...

Occasionally at-home parents and primary breadwinners have discussions about our jobs and what they entail. I have found we have a lot in common, the differences are really quite subtle.

At the office, you have TPS reports, in our job we have T.P. Ass reports. "Did you wipe?! Do I need to come check?! Let's hear the T.P. Ass report!"

You punch a clock. We punch the FedEx man in the throat for ringing the bell during nap. 

You talk with co-workers at the water-cooler, we talk to ourselves at the diaper station.

There is always a line in the breakroom for the coffee machine at the office. Wait, what the...?! You have a breakroom!?  

You hate the commute. We want one.

You get a slap on the back from a co-worker, we get hugs and kisses from the kids.

Your boss is sometimes a tyrant. So are ours (though, admittedly, ours are cuter).

You have email notifications, we have verbal pings, "Daaaaaad!"

At the office, employees expect constant feedback, at home the kids want you to look at and appreciate every squiggle they make on a piece of paper.

Working parents have lunch with peers, at home parents have lunch with smears. (A reader pointed out, at-home parents also have lunch with peers. Peer: one who pees.)

In the office, you discuss the direction of the company. At home we reinforce, "up the steps and down the slide!"

With public restrooms privacy is hard to come by. At home with children, one is never alone in the bathroom.

In cubicles you can hear the neighbor typing and chatting on the phone. At home, everyone chews with their mouth open and whines incessantly.

Co-workers in the office occasionally don't get along. Siblings at home are often in engaged in open battle.

Working parents have to bring work home sometimes. At-home parents live at work.

Occasionally, the bosses shit on us both.

In the office, the copier is always broken. At home, the DVD player has a sandwich in it.

You have the guy whose foreign accent is difficult to understand at work. We have a toddler who thinks "Ayyyy," "Dooooh!" and "Arrgghh!" are meaningful phrases for communicating their desires.

At work, parents often deal with a drama queen or king who takes every slight personally. At-home parents have those too and at home they will scream at the top of their lungs and fling themselves on the floor because you asked them not to throw a harmonica at you.

At work the bosses are sometimes repetitive. At home, all phrases, screams and cries are repeated until you acknowledge and comply with the tyrants.

At the office, your bosses are never satisfied with your work. At home, the bosses are never satisfied with anything (unless they have a sucker in their mouth at that very moment).

At the end of the week you get a paycheck. At the end of the week we get more laundry.

You get memos, we get a runny nose.

I love my job, but it IS a job. Thank you to all the working parents (at home and at the office) the world keeps on turning thanks to you. We should take some paid time off, do you think we could leave the kids with your office for a few days while we get away?


  1. These are great! I'm right in the middle of writing a post about the differences between stay-at-home parents and parents who go to work. I've been both, so these made me laugh even more, living in both worlds! Great post!

  2. Those are pretty funny example Eric. Well done. I laughed out loud at more than one.

  3. Thanks, Nick! Glad you stopped by!

  4. That was my goal, mission accomplished, thanks for letting me know!

  5. That's some funny stuff, Eric. "At-home parents live at work." Ain't that the truth. However, I could NEVER deal with a commute. I'm pretty sure I am in the right spot. And, it's obvious you are, too. Thanks for this, nice job.

  6. Thanks, Bill! I hate traffic, but I do love listening to my favorite music very loudly, so I think I could deal with it. I am definitely in the right place though!

  7. This is one excellent comparison list ;)