Sunday, January 19, 2014

Book Review: Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan

I was provided a copy of "Dad is Fat" by Jim Gaffigan to review, many moons ago. At the time I thought nothing of my selection for the task, after all I am a writer of some repute. Later I realized this may have had something to with my status as a fat dad. Dammit. I'm fairly sure I committed to reading and reviewing this before Christmas or was it Father's day last year? Who can remember these things? I'm sure Jim would understand, ah, who am I kidding? He has 5 kids so I'd be surprised if he even remembers he wrote a book. I have only 2 kids so my slightly lower level of insanity should give me the upper hand if it ever comes up. Gaffigan may have me in the insanity department, but with effort I like to imagine that I can approach his level of procrastination one day... maybe tomorrow?

As for the book, you want to know if you should read it I suppose. The quick answer is yes. If you're a parent, or know parents, like to laugh at parents struggling in public places, or were raised by parents I think you will enjoy it. The book starts off on the right foot with a title straight from the mouths (or drawing hand) of a child. "Dad Is Fat," I know! I was also shocked to see something like this coming from the hot Pocket guy and I really expected something like "Dad is Fit," but I digress.

The book takes the reader on a hilarious journey of ever-increasing insanity as Jim's family increases and his living quarters remain the same comically-small size. From raucous stories of road trips, clueless childless days, parent friends to dealing with the everyday trials of going anywhere with five little people (half the adventure is in getting ready and Gaffigan often entertains the idea of giving up on the simplest chores - especially in the New York winters).

The flow of the book was great, especially for those with ADHD or parents of small children who can only concentrate for 3 minutes at a time while we are on the ceramic throne. The book is broken down into short, hilarious stories for perfect digestion between baby wrangling and snack preparation.

Gaffigan's book gave me hope I can hold onto my sense of humor (it's all I have left - my dignity has long since vacated the building) as I navigate parenthood and that I need never fear that I'll be "cool" again. Thank you for that, Jim, and thanks for the laughs!

You can find Gaffigan's book and all the info for following him everywhere (he cracks me up on Facebook and Twitter) right here:

Thursday, January 9, 2014

What If You Worked With A Bunch Of Toddlers?

What would it be like to work in a place where your peers were toddlers? A guy would come into the office with nothing but tighty whities on and immediately start screaming and pointing at the snack machine. Maybe a woman sits down in a meeting with her breakfast then throws her yogurt parfait and caramel macchiato against the wall and laughs about it. During a conference call a team member walks into your cubicle and starts repeatedly pressing a button on a toy that makes it play "Peter Cottontail" at incredible volume. I can see it now, the boss gives your peer an assignment and he replies by throwing himself on the floor, kicking and screaming and saying "No! No! No! No!" You walk in the breakroom and see two employees playing tug of war with a stapler and screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. You pick up the phone to make an important business call and two people walk up and start screeching and grabbing for your phone. Once you get them to stop that they start yelling about being hungry.

Can't you just imagine asking your associate to prepare a TPS report for you?


"Because upper management says we need them on everything."

"Well... I was eating this cracker first."

"That's fine, just do it when you are done."

"I have to go to the bathroom when I'm done."

"Understood, you can handle it after that."

"Why don't they have little guys that come out at night and do the TPS reports for us?"

"I don't know..."

"Wouldn't that be funny?!"

"Err... I guess it would be. So, can you handle it for me this time?"

"Handle what?"

"The TPS report."

"Where is its handle?"


After a day like that, you also would get no paycheck and your teammates come home with you and wake you up at random times of the night to ask you to wipe their butts. What if your office were your home and your children were always there? Have you hugged an at-home parent today? Please do.

On second thought, if your co-workers were this cute you'd be surprised what you could put up with.