Monday, February 17, 2014

A Letter to My Heartbroken Children.

I plan on being around as long as the Earth will have me and I hold out no small amount of hope that current medical technology and all those good health behaviors (that I'll start tomorrow) will help me stick around to provide sage advice to my children well into their own golden years. However, on the off-chance I don't make it quite as long as I had hoped, I like to throw in a few of life's important messages and responses to some of life's most challenging milestones for my children within these pages. This one is for my child in the event someone has broken your heart.

My dear,

I'm sorry to hear of your heartbreak. There are few things in the world that hurt as much as a rejection and a lack of an opportunity to try to "make things right." I've been there, it was hard. That is an understatement, of course, the truth is it was soul-crushing... for a time. Then it wasn't. Then it was a memory. Then it was just one more detour in my life that led me to your mother's doorstep and ultimately to you. It is often the hardest things to swallow that just turn out to be a bitter pill that helped to make us whole. It is these challenges which make us who we are and that make love, true love, all the sweeter when we find it.

If you need to go footloose for awhile, or mope a bit, go for it, but stop worrying about it being the end of life as you know it because it's not. I guarantee you that one day you will look back at yourself and scoff at how you wept over someone who didn't appreciate you. Hopefully, you'll also look back and realize there were some issues with the way you were as well (I did every time it happened) and you can work to make yourself a better person. Either way, get right with you. Enjoy being single, call up your friends and get your groove back. Don't get sucked into worrying about a new relationship to take the place of the broken one, that's the last thing you should be thinking about. Have fun, enjoy life, devote yourself to a hobby or a cause that is dear to you (don't have one? Find one.) You'll be surprised at the fulfilling relationships that develop organically when you hang out with people with similar interests and passions.

Life has a way of putting the people you need right in front of you. You took some things you needed from the relationship, and I'm sure you gave some that were needed too. I know... it didn't work out. That doesn't mean it was time wasted, and it doesn't make it hurt any less either. Now it's time for the next chapter, just remember that you can't read that passage until you turn the page. There is no going back and who would want to with someone who doesn't feel the same?

Remember when I told you I had been through this and I know the feeling? I've had times when I thought my life was over after one breakup or another, but when I look back now I realize my life hadn't even begun yet. I'm married to a beautiful person, she loves me in ways I was not loved before, she loves me deeper than I knew possible back then, we have two beautiful children together (maybe you've heard of them) and their love eclipses all of the feelings of love lost and abandonment from days gone by. I remember my previous loves fondly, but not in some romantic memory where we didn't have issues, because we did. I learned from my mistakes, I learned the shades of love, I learned how to better myself how to help others do the same and what traits to avoid in others. I wish you the same type of recovery and the sooner you realize it is possible, the sooner it will begin to happen.

Lastly, if it all just becomes too much for you, please see someone. Talk with someone, you are not alone. If I'm around I will hold you as long as I need to and if I'm not then there are others who love you and care for you. There is life after love and, trust me, it is tasty. Don't let a temporary feeling of hopelessness cause you to do something that causes permanent damage. People love you, people need you. Not the one that hurt you, that person is moving on and that is their loss, but you know what? Screw them, you're better than that. Anyone who can't see what an amazingly awesome person you are just didn't look hard enough. I love you.

With Love,


  1. Fine advice, well-expressed. I love this idea, of giving your kids advice on things that they can reference later. There were a couple of letters I've received in life, letters I carried around with me until they felt like tissue paper. This is so much better.